Lonely Light Of Morning
by supernaturalsammy67
Summary: Heaven bent to take my hand and lead me through the fire, it's been a long awaited answer, to a long and painful fight. Mary. Why she stayed in their old house.


**Just a beaut little song- inspired me. Cos it just screamed Mary.**

**Fallen-Sarah Mclachlan**

**The lyrics fit to her so much, so I had to include them, and this...isn't even a dark fic- I'm doing well haah**

**Summary: Heaven bent to take my hand and lead me through the fire, it's been a long awaited answer, to a long and painful fight. Mary. Why she stayed in their old house.**

**Season 4 episodes relate and season 1.**

**"Mom?"**

**"I'm sorry"**

**"For what?"**

**Warning: Starts off a little dark, but I promise, It's not compared to what I have written, whoah.**

**Disclaimer: Where'd my deeds go?...hey! HEY!! Come back...oh no- the fire ate em.**

**So here ya go- **

It wasn't what she'd imagined, even being a hunter herself. She still believed, the safe happily-ever-after.

It wasn't pearly gates and it damned well wasn't her loved ones waiting to greet her. Thanks to a certain Demon, they'd gone Hell knows where.

She _still _believed.

Even when she felt that force hit her and watched her son screaming, crying out for _his _mom. And She couldn't help him.

"S-Sammy" She sobbed, one of her last breaths before her eyes are glazing and she hears John rush in, the last light in her eyes catching the one she _hoped_ would understand.

_I'm sorry._

_Heaven bent to take my hand_

_And lead me through the fire_

It didn't. No fucking white light, and where the hell was she supposed to go? _Poof somewhere?_

Mary didn't understand what had happened until her eyes finally opened and she looked across, right through onto the street. One side of the house, _Sammy's _corner was black, charred and gone.

Fear instantly gripped her and looking down, she saw her bare feet, a bloody stain on her white night dress and silence as her feet walked, over broken and burnt wood.

_Be the long awaited answer_

_To a long and painful fight_

It was a few years later John came back, and Mary _felt _him before he even reached the street, she felt her boys too. Both of them and smiled, it had been worth the wait, and never-knowing, never...seeing her babies again. She _couldn't _leave.

The house had been rebuilt, and he cautiously stepped inside, 'Realistate owner' for cover. Smart man, she'd married that man. She saw him break, a small fluffy haired runt tucked in his arms, all drool and goo's and gurgling tongue and brown beaming eyes darting _right_ towards her and Mary smiled. _God, _had he grown up beautiful.

Little Sammy instantly smiled again and laughed, teething and drooling and his arms waving up and down just _reaching _for Mary.

"Moooooooo....o'mm....."

John's eyes widened and he glanced down, pulling Sammy tighter to his chest and his other hand, tightly grasping another little boy with beautiful bright green eyes.

_Oh, Dean._

"We're leaving Dean, C'mon" John tugged his eldest son and he followed, smiling lazily as he walked and John briskly made it the Impala, little Sammy waving with chubby fingers over John's shoulders, the doors quickly slamming shut.

Mary tried not to hear John's tears and kept her own in. It was the most beautiful thing seeing them all again. _Safe. A family. _

"Thank you John" She smiled, her hand fogging the window, though from the street it was clear, no-one lived in that house.

_Truth be told I've tried my best_

_But somewhere along the way_

_I got caught up in all there was to offer_

_And the cost was so much more than I could bear_

"I'm sorry"

It was the first time, Sam had ever _seen _his mom, before him, looking alive.

"F-for what?"

He frowned, this wasn't what she was supposed to say, was it? He was supposed to be apologising to her, telling her he loved her-telling-

She turned to the poltergeist, a demand and a threat, in a tone that demanded respect. A tone only a mother could have.

And Sam was released.

_Though I've tried, I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I have messed up_

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so..._

Despite what the young Winchester believed, Mary still resided in that house, she was too pure a spirit, too attached to leave her children, her home, her family.

She's watch over them until she could no more.

Mother's rule #1834729.

_We all begin with good intent_

_Love was raw and young_

_We believed that we could change ourselves_

_The past could be undone_

_But we carry on our backs the burden_

_Time always reveals_

_The lonely light of morning_

_The wound that would not heal_

_It's the bitter taste of losing everything_

_That I have held so dear._

She didn't regret the deal she made, not when she saw John again, the years hadn't changed him so, he just looked more handsome. A hunter now...that broke her heart.

"Mary" John stood, in Sammy's nursery, where this all began. Jenny and her kids were out, and John had effortlessly snook in.

"I know...the boys-you...you saved them. You saved our boys. Thank you" A tear dripped down his cheek, silent as ever just as Mary watched, silent.

"I'm doing everything I can to...to bring justice, revenge. I'm finding the bastard that did this..."

His hands shook.

"Mary" His voice broke. "I miss you, I want you back...there's not a day that I-" He bite his lip as a sob tore it's way from his throat. "I'm leaving the boys. For their own safety, and I'm going to hunt this thing and finish it...once and for all"

Seeing him leave, she felt the first twinge of doubt that if she'd have left John dead at the roadside so long ago,..._no_...would've happened to some other mother, some other family. And the Winchester's did not quit...how could she ever leave a man like him?

_I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I have messed up_

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so..._

Jenny was nice, the kids were brought up well over the next year or so. And she'd been watching in, keeping an eye on not only Jenny and her family to rumours, whispers from the spirits.

The Winchester brothers lived, and they were together. That's what mattered.

Despite her decades on earth, no-one had been to call, to talk or even appear to Mary, whether about limbo, Hell, Heaven...nothing.

But she _still_ didn't give up.

_Heaven bent to take my hand_

_Nowhere left to turn_

_I'm lost to those I thought were friends_

_To everyone I know_

Staring through a window, endlessly while your only family are spread across the US of A wasn't the most achieving thing to do, she'd felt the connection slip once or twice, not feeling her sons anymore and then it'd come back, like a beacon. Unlike the other spirits, she never became restless, even long after Jenny met a new man and moved out, third baby on the way and _her _house was once again hers again. Her sons would return, when they could, she _knew _it.

"No they won't"

Mary spun, blonde curls crashing as she eyed the intruder, stellar blue eyes that pierced her.

"Who are you?"

"We've been watching over your children Mary, it's your time" He smiled.

Mary frowned, long dead ghost or not, she was a hunter, a Winchester.

"What do you mean they won't come back"

"Only one will" He answered, his gaze innoccently flicking about the now dusty room.

"What?" Mary said, keeping her distance.

"Sam died, Mary-"

"No, I felt him! I _can still _feel him!"

"Yes, he lives now. But Dean...Dean will not come back here, to you. I am sorry"

"Sammy...?"

The door to the house creaked open, long and groaning and Mary rushed past the man, down the stairs fluently.

_Oh they turned their heads embarassed_

_Pretend that they don't see_

_But it's one missed step_

_You'll slip before you know it_

_And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

Sam stepped inside and let the door swing shut, his shoulders looked heavy, as if he carried a thousand burdens on them, too old eyes for his years surveyed the room.

His eyes were red rimmed, not as bright as the baby Mary remembered waving at her at that very spot 23 years ago.

"Mom" Sam started. "Dean's...he's gone...and I can't- I didn't what to do, where to go, I just-...you said once you were sorry" Sam released a rushed breath. "But the truth it, it was me...all along it was me. My fault you and Jess and Dad and now Dean and...just- I can't do this alone..."

"Why do you think I'm sorry Sam? I got out, I found John...you can never have that, you'll never be safe"

"I just want Dean." Sam sighed. "He always said...you told him angels are watching over us...he always felt better when something reminded him of you..." Sam turned his face, lost in thought as fresh tears welled in his eyes.

_Though I've tried, I've fallen..._

_I have sunk so low_

_I have messed up_

There was the sound of wings, like a bird and Mary thought it was another owl nesting, when a hand landed softly on her shoulder and she felt warmed, at peace.

"Angel's are watching over him" The man smiled. "It's time Mary" he held out his hand, an offer, something she'd beeb waiting for, wondering for years.

Mary looked down at the strangers hand. "No" She answered, smoothly and serene. "I know _my _boys, and Dean's not finished...Sam needs him, they can't be apart. I _know _my children and Dean _will_ come to this house and see me again"

She took up her usual residence at the window, watching the world go by.

The man looked shocked, blue eyes confused and taken back. "This is your choice? Do you understand-"

"Yes" Mary said happily. And he left.

_Better I should know_

_So don't come round here_

_And tell me I told you so... _

She watched Sam stop at the end of the path and turn to her, looking up and facing his old nursery window, as if he _knew. _

"Angel's aren't watching over you baby,... I am"

A handprint fogged up the glass on the top window and Sam saw a fleeting of blonde curls, and a shy smile before he found faith again.

The next day. Castiel laid seige and rescued Dean from hell.

**Okay, I lied...little bit dark- but from a mother...adorable?...no? Sorry! these songs are so effective! eesshh**


End file.
